I have recently been investigating ways to kill myself painlessly. Just in case. Some of you may be a tad worried about that (no reason to, I assure you); some of you won’t read any further than this paragraph.
For those of you still here, this really is not about being depressed and unable to see the bright side of life. I have, so far, been unable to NOT see the bright side. But I am concerned about euthanasia, and have been off and on for at least the past 20 years. At least since Dr. Jack Kevorkian began making headlines.
During my quest for information I contacted a pharmacist friend of mine and asked what the best thing to use was. He wondered only if I was having a bad day. I’d say that was a pretty bad day, but I was saddened only that he didn’t realize where I was coming from. And he never would say. That may have been part of a pharmacist’s oath or something but the guy I used to know would have gotten where I was coming from. Instead he was suspicious, I think.
Putting religious beliefs aside, if you can, I want to examine euthanasia with the view of it being a practical matter, and possibly being a great relief to ourselves and our family and friends. I know that we are not dogs and cats, but I think we can look at pet euthanasia and apply its principles to people. Why wait until someone’s body and/or mind is ravaged by disease, their finances drained so there is more burden brought upon those left behind? Bad enough they have to watch their loved one suffer for far too long as it is.
Part of the outcry against human euthanasia is that people will be killing off family members and themselves willy-nilly at the first sign of a sniffle so as to benefit from expected inheritances.
I believe fervently that people, as a general rule, aren’t going to do this very often or easily. (I think that about abortion as well but haven’t looked at the numbers.) Pet owners sometimes still wait far too long to euthanize their pets, believing against all hope that they aren’t really suffering or there’s a chance they’ll get better. I believe having the option—without the legal trouble—to off yourself or help someone close to you to do so will not be misused any more than other things are misused. There is always going to be stupidity, and that cannot be legislated, even though we all know it’s been tried repeatedly and those attempts likely will continue as long there are politicians and attorneys.
I'm adamant I'd like the option if I became unable to care for myself in any way. I don't want my daughters, granddaughters, friends and family to have to see me that way for an extended period of time because my body was still willing to produce enough oxygen to carry on. That's no way to live, for me or them.
If it became a legal option to end your life, we could then procure the knowledge and the means to do it compassionately and with as little pain to the dying as possible. We are already half way there, with hospice. I don't know anyone who isn't grateful for the compassionate care received there. Let’s go one step further and have the legal option before we become dessicated if we so choose.
Given my work @ the home, I have learned as a person draws near the end of life, regular doses of morphine will help relax the body enough so that it stops resisting death. This is usually done as breathing becomes increasingly difficult and painful and as vitals drop. From my understanding, if this is known and a family requests the med for 'regular comfort' (for example) most NP's or MD's will oblige.
ReplyDeleteThat's what I mean by the hospice situation. But people are in dire straights usually when they get to Hospice, or similar place, many times after suffering a long time at home and then sometimes they even linger at hospice. I'm saying, for example, when Alzheimer's has a grip on someone to where they don't know their own home, etc., and can't care for themselves or be left alone for their own safety, we should be able to get the doctor to give him or her a shot, whether it be in a hospital or doc's office or at home.
ReplyDeletethanks for commenting, MissMo.
Yes, I thought that was where you were going with this. I think many are too selfish to let their loved ones go, even without the help of drugs. I see that a lot. In my opinion, some people hold on even longer to life simply because they can sense the families tourment. Which is truly unfair to the dying. Let them know you will be fine so that they may go in peace.
ReplyDeleteI can totally see your point and agree with it. However, given my own loved ones, I don't think I could let go of hope. I suppose I am as selfish as the above mentioned to some degree, or possibly not as strong as I wish. I did agree to have support cut off once, but I don't know that I could have agreed to a shot.
This is why it is so important to have those difficult conversations with your loved ones and those who would have to make the decisions if you were unable to. I can speak from experience. My mother was VERY vocal for years as to what her wishes were and I adhered to them. In my mind I was a realist and it wasn't that I lost hope, but knew the outcome. As much as I would have loved to have my mother longer, if she couldn't go to the bathroom alone and make herself a cup of coffee; she was miserable. So, if you love someone, why would you want them to be miserable just to have a "body"? My mother was a staunch advocate of Kavorkian and so am I. To live my last days/weeks/years in a nursing home, drooling, being a burdon to those who feel they have to come see me, sharing a room with a stranger when the last time I did that was college? Not for me. I don't find this topic concerning or worrisome, but forward thinking. I have no guilt about giving my mother the morphine and not opting for brain surgery.....her wishes. I did not have to make the decision. It was her life and she made the decision. I had the easy part. Do as she requested.
ReplyDeleteI have reached the strange point in life where even I don't care what I think anymore, and therefore prefer, more often than not, to just shut the f**k up.
ReplyDeleteSo why am I bothering to comment?
Because in this case I think you might care to know that I could not agree with you more -- and that I think this piece is superbly written.
Apart from that, I also think there's something strangely comforting in having reached this stage of indifference to my own thoughts and, correspondingly, opinions, and this comfort I feel lends itself to a quiet acceptance of my own mortality -- an acceptance conducive even to embracing the notion of "youth in Asia." I would SO rather go on my own terms and with a semblance of personal (even admirable) dignity than grossly -- make that grotesquely -- overstay my welcome, as my poor mother has.
She has been confined in an Alzheimer's unit since 2002, but her decline started well before then, perhaps as many as five years earlier. Her lapses worried her at first, then terrified her, then became something she tried, pathetically, to rationalize away with a diseased brain well on its way to irrationality.
By the time she had to be "put away" she still had the mental capacity to violently resent losing her independence, and she suffered, quite visibly in fact, the torments of Hell during her first year or so in the home. Eventually she slipped enough to get over the hump and more or less accept her de facto incarceration with compliant acceptance.
Eight years on she's a wheelchair-bound, diaper-wearing, babbling, dribbling, organic casing cast off by the long-gone gleaming-eyed, quick-witted woman who was my mother, and I can't help believing she'd have been better off taking up smoking like a chimney when she hit middle age instead of counting her cholesterol.
It's too late for that, quite obviously; but would that I could have authorized her physical death once everything that made her her had left this world for good.
As for me, I'm not so sure I could hang myself from my Ford Explorer's luggage rack or seal my head inside a plastic bag with a couple of feet of duct tape. But I have decided to do my best to avoid my mother's sad fate ... by doing nothing.
No prostate exams or colonoscopies or annual medical check-ups for me. If I've already got the beginning of the end bubbling in me like a witch's brew, so be it. I've lived long enough to not care what I think, and don't think anything of it.
BostonBabe: I am happy you had the foresight and intelligence to do as your mother asked. You denied her nothing, too. Well done.
ReplyDeleteR.J.: I am so sad that your mother and you, et al, have had to endure this tragedy. It's a common story. You are so eloquent in the description of her decline; the fact that it has stretched out for so long only adds to the misfortunate circumstance ad infinitum.
ReplyDeleteI do not think I could attempt my final act in the ways you have described either. Both are torturous, and would leave a very awful surprise for someone. Nobody should have to find a loved one died in that manner. That's why we must find a merciful way to do it and why one or more of our loved ones need to be aware of the plan, or even to help in some way if they can while keeping them safe from prosecution. But if there is a way to swallow something that will put us eternally out, or an injection we could give ourselves that would do the same, that is all we can do now.
For the stigma to be removed would be the ultimate clemency. Can you imagine a place, such as there are hospices now, where you could go along with loved ones to see you off? I picture it something like the place Meryl Streep and Albert Brooks went to in "Defending Your Life." Very subdued, even serene, despite the emotions that would accompany such a trip.
It could be a whole new industry and I can't see how lots of people wouldn't make good money at it; it could be another branch of the medical profession. You could purchase a discount package for it in advance. I can see the advertising: Pay Now, Go Later.
Simple, really. Brilliant. Merciful.
That old movie "Soylent Green" (1973) portrayed just such a final respite place. It's the only memorable thing about the film, as far as I'm concerned -- even though I'll probably never successfully expunge Charlton Heston's melodramatic (what else?) wailing of "Soylent Green is PEE-PULL!"** -- and has ever since seemed to me the "Way to go!" way to go.
ReplyDelete** Much as I'll probably never eradicate the nauseous memory of Richard Harris singing "MacArthur Park."