You Raise Me Up

or Men Will Be Boys Practically Every Time

I have long thought that the custom of bringing up boys differently than girls is completely out of whack—tragic, even.

There are a million little and large ways we do it.

For instance, many responsible parents teach girls about home economics and boys about yard economics. Many parents, without even realizing it, teach girls that looking good is important. We praise girls for being able to make themselves look “pretty,” by making their hair look pretty and dressing them nicely; we reinforce the importance of it all and give them a reason why by telling them to “go show Daddy.”

We teach boys that being active athletically is the way to go, providing them our favorite sports balls from birth and spending time teaching them to play. We praise boys for winning and, when we are parenting well, for trying very hard to win. Many of us use and overuse the phrase, “boys will be boys.” That phrase does such a disservice to all of us.

Girls are read fairy tales, stories involving princesses and princes, frogs, and magic mirrors. Girls are told that men will rescue you if it’s true love, that we might actually need rescuing. We read to our daughters that we are the victims of bad men and jealous women and how frogs turn into princes with a kiss. Boys are read books that foster interest in things like space and science, sports and math. Stories including frogs that we read to boys don’t include kissing them.

That frog-turning-into-a-prince story is encouraging girls to be sexual in the hopes that men will be transformed by their love. What a load of hogwash! Is it no wonder so many marriages fail? I’m not talking just divorces here: Many people stay together in failed marriages for fear of any number of things (another subject entirely!) and don’t have the joy of true partnership.

We teach girls how to anticipate and accommodate. We expect them to act emotionally and be nurturing, putting other’s needs ahead of theirs. We teach boys to do what they must in order to be the best. We expect them to man up, act like a man, be tough.
Parents, yes, good ones, raise their children by gender.

Here women sit around waiting for true love, when men don’t have a clue—they never were read those stories; they don’t know what they are supposed to do.

I think we need to be more thoughtful about the way we parent. I raised two daughters—wonderful women, both—but I unwittingly did the gender thing. I didn’t realize it; I wasn’t thoughtful enough at the time, but lucky for me, they are much more thoughtful than I was. They are figuring out much of this stuff on their own.

I think instead of being gender-driven, we should raise our children to be people, the best people they can be. Teach them to be imaginative, kind, thoughtful and foster a love of reading so strong their minds can’t possibly remain shut to the infinite possibilities.