But Does It Have To Be?
This is in response to a blog that is emailed to me. I will email it to you upon request.
Yes, it is nothing short of tragic the mental and emotional horrors that can consume one after experiencing war. The additional tragedy is that men, mostly, turn to alcohol or drugs to cope with their inability to speak about what happened, thus beginning the personal slide into a life that likely leads to crime of some kind or another, affecting so many others, whether they become criminals or not.
At its best, their lives are spent trying to live every day with the experiences locked inside them, cutting them off emotionally from their families and friends, possibly for fear of what will happen if they let it out. Families cope with the dramatic changes in their son, husband, father by seeking to help, only to be castigated by the one whom they seek to help. "You don't understand" and "You don't want to know" is the refrain. When families suggest seeking counseling, they are told to mind their own business. Men shut down more and more as time passes.
At its worst, resentment builds at home with terrible consequences. Violence against loved ones occurs repeatedly, emotionally, physically, as men are unable to cope with normal living. Seeing their family's hurt faces is a reminder that they aren't doing what they should, but they are at the point of feeling only anger then. Families split with deep, long-lasting societal consequences.
It is a sad commentary on our society when most men feel it useless or humiliating, even unmanly, to seek help for emotional and mental crises. They get instant relief by becoming drunk or high, but it's only a short-lived fix as evidenced by the increased need for more of their escape of choice. While they are getting this fix, family and friends are first filled with concern, worry and sometimes fear.
Society does send mixed messages, as does the military. There are trained people in all walks of life who can help with post traumatic stress disorder, but there is still a stigma attached somehow—or the perception of—and the fear of losing their jobs or respect of their peers if it's found out they are seeing a psychiatrist.
The military and civilian worlds need to help reduce this stigma. TV shows like "Army Wives" (Lifetime) and "The Unit" (CBS) are helpful but I'm not sure men make up much of their audiences. Even with the best-laid marketing plans, it's going to take a long time, with a lot more casualties piling up at home.
Why is it so hard to ask for help?
